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Destiny My first goal in life was to be a missionary in some third world country that didn't know how much God loved them. Then, as I grew older, I started to think that maybe they DID know that God loved them only that they called him a different name or even thought of him as a her. So if they already knew that, why would I need to go over there? My second goal in life, about the time I hit middle school, was to be a medical research scientist. Hey, I wanted to cure Cancer! Only, I discovered that I'm horrible at math (as much as it turns me on!) and I wasn't any good in that field. My third goal was to be an astrophysicist. Only, there again, was that math thing going on (or NOT going on). My fourth goal was to become an archeologist. Then I realized that I couldn't do that and run a fuctional family and have an active part in raising my children, so that dream went down the drain. My last dream, was to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, cooking for my husband, in my little house with my white picket fence. (MY how I changed from middle school to high school!) Well you know, I've got all that except for the husband thing. (And besides the sex, I don't really miss that!) For a long time, I felt guilty. My parents wanted so much for me to make something of myself and all I did was drop out of school, go to work in a convenient store, and get pregnant. I felt like such a failure. After all, I started the Gifted program in first grade. I made the deans list right up untill I dropped out. I was granted scholarships to Princeton and Harvard. All of my Gifted classmates became something. One was a Senator, one became a brain surgeon (Yep, not making that up!), two are in high political jobs, three turned out to be successful attorneys at very established practices, two more are some kind of doctors (don't remember what kind) and one is a major mover in a battered spouse relocating and retraining program. As far as I can tell, I'm the only one that didn't amount to a hill of beans. There was a lot of pressure growing up to be SOMETHING. I was always paraded around as the smart one of the family and everyone was told how far I was going to go. When real life came crashing down on me and I made my life's decisions, I felt like a failure. It took me a long time to realize that I wasn't. I fulfilled my dream. I'm a mother with two wonderful children, three cats, a home that's my own and a job that, for the most part, I like. I didn't fail to make something of my life. I just changed my perceptions of what a huge contribution to my world entailed. I no longer believe that I have to be a scientist to make a worth while contribution. I did something better. I gave life to two very precious people that I guide and nurture and love very much. Two very special individuals that may grow up to be SOMEONE. Even if they don't, they will at least grow up to be whoever they are. With no pressure to be something they're not. I always knew I was destined to do something great. It just took me a while to realize that I already had. And you know what? I'm happy that I made the decisions that I did.
Most recent entries Something New - 2009-06-04 Lunch for Breakfast - 2009-05-18 Jeans and a T-shirt - 2009-05-13 Lost Weeks - 2009-05-11 Happy Birthday to Me! - 2009-04-22 |
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